Physical Contact: what’s right for you, and you.

There have been a few topics that have taken some time to get on to this web site. Topics such as suicidal thoughts have to be addressed in therapy quite a lot. Physical contact and sexual relationships are yet another area and one that many people face up to in their everyday life.

I have been slow to accept this fact. I suspect I took the traditional view that such matters can only be the preserve of face-to-face therapy –  in the consulting room – where therapist and client relating very directly, one to another.

Well, I have faced up to suicidal thinking, so why not the complexities of physical relationships?!

This illustration, below, may help you consider some practical safe experiments where you are concerned about what is the ‘right’ physical contact for you, and how do you go about working this out with other people.

The diagram highlights that there are many forms of physical contact. I have a chosen just a few to illustrate that point.

There is a time dimension in my illustration and that element can be overlooked. Who says that physical contact has to be a fleeting thing or, indeed, go one for ages?

I suspect there are many more choices available to couples and groups when it comes to agreeing on what is ‘acceptable’ physical contact, and how long is it right to stay with it.



How do two or more people negotiate what works for them as a couple or a group?

How do they signal when enough is enough, or when more is wanted and what is the ‘more’ that’s wanted.

To help in this process, I have already identified the safe experiment of Special Time. In that time, I would invite you to consider the several questions incorporated in my illustration. Those questions go to the heart of small, safe experiments. After all, the experiment will end in a small victory,  or a small defeat or something in-between. I either case, it helps to consider: what do I do to build on my victories, and what do I do, a little different, in the face a small defeat? Is this a feasible focus of attention during Special Time?

In addition, I suspect we will agree that this page will tax our skills as communicators. I do offer some comment on these skills. Good communications are not as common-sense as we might think so I’d ask you to consider how to conduct yourself, one with the other.

As I do not want to offer more prescription about what might works for you,, this page on a safe experimentation is brief (for once!).

I will leave you to work out the detail and I trust that other parts of the web site will help you express your curiousity about what is possible.

There are some further leads listed below.


Return to:


What is a nudge?

Designing a safe experiment

Identifying the scenic route you want to take

What is helpful?

…. and helpful change

What stops us making progress

High emotion: it can help and hinder.