When you have completed some safe experiments, you may want to take a look at your achievements. If you are in therapy, it may be time to consider the process of ending.
Endings are not a full-stop; they are part of a process, just one step on the way.
For a review, it helps to stand back and consider the results you have obtained. It is unlikely that your work can be wrapped in pink ribbon and marked “Mission Accomplished”. That got President Bush into trouble when he visited Iraq after the Gulf War, as I recall!
Instead, there will be achievements that need to see the light of day and be respected – as well as unfinished business that begs questions about “…… and what more ‘something different’ needs to be done?”
Then you may feel more confident to making a judgement about the value of therapy:
- do I stick with it, as is;
- do I find a new direction for therapy – if so, what and how;
- do I stop, and what will be the implications of stopping;
- what is my Plan B. Here you may find it useful to consider what good therapy might be able to do. At the bottom of this page, I have a hand-drawn and rather scruffy drawing that casts some useful light on this. It highlights that there are different endings. An ending does not have to be a full-stop. It can be the start of something just a little bit different (exam question: where have you heard that phrase before?).
Here are my thoughts on what might help. Use my questions if it helps, or do yet another safe experiment and design your own questions!
What do you recall were your initial concerns when you first consulted me or my website:
What initial changes did you want to see:
What other concerns emerged as you completed some safe experiments (it would be normal for your focus to have shifted over time):
What actual changes emerged over time:
What hoped-for changes did not emerge. How much of a problem did the small defeats cause you; indeed, were they ‘defeats’? As you think about it, could it be something different such as coming to terms with what is achievable and accepting the things that you no longer want to change.
In hindsight, what helped you obtained the changes you wanted:
What hindered you in the pursuit of the changes you wanted from each and all safe experiment:
Consider this statement: “I believe my work on ‘safe experiments’ was worthwhile”
On a scale of 1 to 7, how much do you believe the statement that your work was worthwhile.
- When 1 is: I do not believe the statement at all;
- 2 is: I believe the statement very little;
……. up to
- 6 is: I believe the statement quite a lot, and
- 7 is: I believe the statement 100%.
Can you identify the things that happened that led you to this judgement: maybe, things that you did and said, or others said and did:
On reflection, is there one thing you would have liked to have done differently using safe experiments:
Is there one thing my web site could have done things differently to help you? Do tell me about that as the development of my web site depends on me knowing about your experiences.
As you consider your future – the ongoing trip towards your next ‘new normal’ – is there something that you intend to do – or want to do, NOW – during that journey?
If this review becomes an ‘ending’ for you – some milestone has been reached – then you might want to help me.
This website has expanded based on many experiments readers have designed and implemented. I’d appreciate it if you would join them.
Although ‘followers’ and ‘likes’ are valued, a measure of your appreciation will be a contribution – made in whatever form suits you. All examples will be written up in an anonymous format.
Your email details are requested to help me; they will never be passed on and government regulations can get me into a lot of trouble should I release information without your specific permission.
Here is the means to offer this comment and information:
YOUR COMMENT AND SAFE EXPERIMENT