I can find small safe experiments to assist in my life planning and that’s one step in changing my Life Script.
In taking that step, I am about to offer some examples into ways to re-shape the SPACE we occupy in our family and community. Keep in mind, if you would, that moves to ‘re-shape’ our space can inconvenience others! That’s another advert for ‘small’.
Given that health warning, I can start by taking a good look at how I structure my time.
I can consider how I might structure my time differently – do I seek out intimacy, or spending my time negotiating TA Games!
It may help me to consult the Johari Window and consider how I might make a different trip from top left, to bottom right!
On this page, I assess the possibility of devising a rational plan of action even if much of what I do is irrational!. Do these leads into safe experiments help you at all?
Return to the results you obtained from the road map experiment. Here, you will have recorded the transitions you have made in your life. You may be able to make a LIFE PLAN to shape the right hand, one-third of your road map.
How might that be done? You may have your own way of planning your life, but you might like to experiment with an outline used by other people. You may find Smart Objectives help you develop this section.
You can think about a life plan in terms of:
An overall AIM
….. where do I want to be in, say, five or ten years time.
……. decide on the smaller steps, five years from now and one year from now, moving toward that overall aim, e.g. changing job, moving home, broadening a social or professional network.
…. finding the do-able things; the steps available, often within a realistic time frame-work (months, not years), to be completed if an objective is to be realised. Bear in mind that any move to complete an objective, and move on to another, is not likely to be a straight line. For that reason, I use the idea of the ‘scenic route’ to change in this web site. In the fancy language of life planning, the scenic route is the critical path. I will add more about this in due time.
Here’s a practical example. If my aim is to be more successful in my job, two objectives might be to improve my curriculum vitae (CV) and see that people of influence know about it. The goal would be to have a finished revision by a given date and create a list of key people to approach. The next step, the tasks, will dictate how you will go about reaching such goals.
….. these are the concrete means by which you will complete any move today, tomorrow and the next day, e.g. researching the job market, engaging our partner in the prospect of moving. Consider the cost and benefit of making any change. Very little comes for free.
Ensure any negotiation – in your own mind, or with other people, moves towards a manageable action. Give careful thought to the unintended (and often unwanted) consequences of any decision.
My experience – using Transactional Analysis (TA)
I found TA very helpful in my own life planning. It gave me some insight into the way my life story shaped the scenic route I followed in times gone by.
It introduced me to the idea of the SCRIPT: a limiting feature well able to stop me looking to other possibilities to the left and right.
An American psychiatrist, Eric Berne, founder of Transactional Analysis (TA) described the SCRIPT as “a life plan made in childhood, reinforced by parents, justified by subsequent events, and culminating in a chosen [way of life]”. This idea can help us to understand our ‘place’ in the world and ways in which we are content, or not, with our allotted slot.
Messages from the family
Consider what messages about yourself did you get from your family? Alternatively, is there a favourite character from a book, TV programme or computer game that you can accept as a role model.
Are there things they achieved that you value? Do they tell you something about the direction of the life you are taking? In my own example, Richmal Crompton’s William Brown got away with blue murder during his childhood adventures and some people will say I am still doing the same thing today!
Above all else, as with all experiments, does your character offer you any advice on some small step that you might take that is different, now? William Brown still helps me look at the world differently and be reluctant to conform.
A FURTHER EXPERIMENT
Can you do something similar with your favourite song or favourite story? Consider a line from a song that has particular meaning to you. Review the line of the song in light of the same questions I have just listed above.
On a personal note, I am a major Roy Orbison fan and just love to sing his songs around the house. His songs provide echoes from my past and material for my cremation!
The words of the American singer-songwriter, Harry Chapin, long gone, made a real difference to my work as a therapist. He was a great story-teller with tales such as A Better Place To Be, Remember when the Music and Cat’s in the Cradle. His song Circle contains shades of Pam Levin’s material.
If you want to hear about attachment issues in the ordinary world, have a listen to Flowers are Red.
With services like Spotify around it is easy to find this kind of information.
So what do your favourite songs have to say to you?
Each message from my family, teachers and stories helped me to understand my ‘place’ in life – and some of the pleasures and regrets arising from it. In some ways they help me to change them and/or find ways to accept things I cannot change.