PUTTING THINGS INTO BOXES
Therapy and medicine are rather fond of helping our understanding of life problems by putting them into boxes. This is the world of diagnosis. Personally, I do little in this area but I have known people feel a sense of relief when there is a label for some of the things that are happening to them.
At this stage, I will introduce just this one ‘diagnostic’ tool that I have found very helpful. I put it in as it may assist you with the design of rather more complex safe experiments, once the idea of experimenting has become second nature to you. This tool is called the:
taken from page 16 of Transactional Analysis: Treatment of Psychosis by Jacqui Lee Schiff and others (1975).
Now you can see why I left this to the later part of my blog. Actually, it may be simpler to manage than it looks, so let’s do that!
THE ‘HIERARCHY’ OF DISCOUNTING BEHAVIOURS
If you want, make a connection between this chart and theJohari Window. In the Johari Window, the therapeutic journey is from top left to bottom right; from the knowns into the unknowns.
In the Discount Matrix, our route is from the bottom right to top left; the ‘easiest’ bit – things that are within our reach – to the hardest bit when we do not accept there is a problem at all.
In the Discount Matrix, we are being invited to consider:
1. Can we identify all our choices and can we act on them one at a time, in an ordered or systematic way. Think about the THINK-MAKE OPTIONS-JUDGE-ACT experiment here.
2. When responding to choices are we able to come up with experiments to remove any blocks to solving those problems.
3. When we are unable to even see an obstacle, or even consider it an obstacle at all, are there ways we can help ourselves move things on. Can we react differently or does history have to go on repeating itself.
TURNING THIS INTO ACTUAL EXPERIMENTS
Do you agree with the idea that we have issues, problems or obstacles in our lives – ones that we simply do not know about?!
That is the highest level of discount – ‘I see no ships’, as Admiral Nelson (good Norfolk boy) s supposed to have said on one occasion. This is the top left box and you cannot experiment on that one, for obvious reasons.
So let’s travel to the more promising box in the bottom right.
Think of a simple problem in your life today. Nothing too threatening; may be a communications issue with some-one. One in which you are confident you can react differently. You have the ability to be flexible, to change and try out something new (T4). You have the ability to solve problems (T5).
BUT can you see your choices (options) (T6)? This can be the level of discounting most easily addressed. It only requires you to say what your options are – a lot of experiments on this website have focused on generating your choices or options.
So: remind yourself about that issue. Have you written it down in the shortest possible form? How would you prefer it to be NOW. Get that written down. List three ways you might get from here to there. You could write down more, but three is a handy number of options to create!
Spend time looking at your list of three or more. What needs to be done to move one of them on; just one of them. You may well notice that one is easier to pursue, than the others.
Start with the easiest and, as you experiment, you will discover that you develop further options and, indeed, you may be able to address them one at a time – from the one you find easiest, to the one you find more tricky.
That’s an experiment focused on your PERSONAL ABILITIES to change – the bottom right box only. There are eight more to go!!
Let’s try another example in the middle.
T4 is about SOLVABILITY and CHANGE POSSIBILITIES. It assumes you can see a problem, but it does not assume you have the personal ability to generate a needed change.
In this example, write down an issue and some notes on why it is an issue for you now.
Ask yourself: what’s stopping me getting grips with some of the whys and wherefores of this issue. Just write down all and everything – anything that comes into your head. On this occasion, I rather hope there will be a longer list.
When you’ve done all that you can, take a break and come back to your list when you are more refreshed. Work on each item bit-by-bit in an ordered and systematic way. Has the passing of time enabled you to look at things differently? Has it let you see the possibility of change and, if you are lucky, some ways in which the issue might be solved?
Please note that the highest level of discount – at the level of existence – is not so easy to address. Sadly, outsiders are often needed to make changes here. In my first career – in the probation service – it was often me who played that part. Plainly, the police serve a similar function. Partners who put their foot down may be able to create change, Sadly, those kind of ultimata are too often discounted by individuals unwilling to act or appear, seemingly, beyond reach. This high level of discounting often invites a crisis to bring things to a head.
All the experiments I have mentioned about relaxation, mindfulness and spiritual self, including the Safe Place experiment (very near the bottom of the page I have hyper-linked), can all contribute to helping you address aspects of our tendency to discount problems in our lives.
I have spoken a lot about relaxation and I hope your experiments have helped you become more aware of what gets in the way of your own personal development.